The Etiology of Sin

Chapter 32
...each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1:14-15

Did you know that all sin begins with a simple desire? We all have desires. Some desires are good and others not so much. But even good desires can lead to sin. Parents can desire obedient children. A man can desire a promotion at work. A teenager can desire to be accepted by her peers. We can all desire world peace. Nothing wrong with those desires. 

But sometimes we begin to feel that we are entitled to our desires. We confuse our desires with our rights. Maybe our desires are the way things should be, but that still doesn't mean they are rights. So that is the first mistake--we believe a lie. We think we have a right to have things our way. Then someone comes along and frustrates our desires and that makes us angry. We feel our anger is justified, so we begin making demands. That is stage two of the sin cycle. First we desire something and believe we have a right to it, and then we demand it. 

If the other person still does not give us what we want, we begin to judge that person. We become critical of them and we may voice that criticism to other people to get them on our side. After a while we find ourselves criticizing everything that person says or does and we begin keeping a record of all their sins. The seeds of bitterness begin to take over in our hearts. This is stage three: we judge others. 

The fourth stage is the stage in which we feel justified in punishing the other person. We do things that we know will hurt the other person and it can be anything from slander to murder. If the other person was a friend, the relationship may be severed. In churches, if someone doesn't get their way, they may just pack up and leave, sometimes taking others with them. In families, the punishment often takes the form of estrangement or abandonment. Some people will try to destroy another person by systematically taking away everything they love, isolating them from loved ones, and destroying all their hopes and dreams. This is called emotional blackmail. Other people just commit murder plain and simple. 

So those are the four stages of the descent into sin. I desire; I demand; I judge; I punish. The desire itself may be a good thing, but if we are willing to sin to get it, it has become an idol in our lives. And if we destroy another person, it becomes murder in God's sight. 

The good news is that God is very gracious and he forgives our sins when we forgive others. If we repent of our sins, he is faithful and just and forgives our sins. It's outrageous! It's scandalous! But if we do not repent and if we continue to punish others, God will do the same to us. Jesus told a parable about that--the parable of the unmerciful servant: A servant owed the king a great debt, and the king forgave his debt. But then the servant went off and put another man in prison until he could pay off his debt. When the king found out, he became very angry and said to his servant, "You wicked servant! I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?" So the servant was thrown in prison. And Jesus said, "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." 

Thoughts on Dating

Chapter 31
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Cor. 6:14

When Should I Start Thinking About Dating?

You should start thinking about dating long before you are old enough to date. Young people need to be smart and prepared for the dating world and know ahead of time exactly what they want so they won’t be swept up in a moment of weakness or emotional turmoil and get embroiled in a relationship that will wreak havoc on the rest of their lives. 

What kind of person do I want to date? 

If you are a Christian, your number one priority should be someone who loves God more than he/she loves you! Yes, you heard me right. Everybody wants to be adored and significant, but if you depend on people for your significance, you will end up miserable. Beware the person who constantly praises you, needs you, wants you, but never mentions his/her relationship with the Lord. 

The person you date should have all the characteristics of someone you would marry, so let’s talk about that. It is a dangerous thing to date someone you would never marry, because things can happen and emotions can take over when you least expect it, and the next thing you know, you are married to someone who will wreck your life. Or you will wreck his.

Assuming the person you are dating loves God, he/she should be known for kindness and respect. How does he treat you? How does she treat your friends and family? How does he treat children? What kinds of things does she say about other people? How does he treat animals? You may think that is a funny thing to say, but how people treat animals shows a lot about their inner workings. 

What about self-control? How does he drive—any evidence of road rage? What makes him angry? Is she a gossip? Most young people never think about these things. Character matters far more than how someone looks or how attracted you are to them. Attractive people can be dangerous. 

What are some red flags that would warn me about potential dangers in a relationship?

1. If the person you are dating is critical of any of your family or friends, that is a HUGE RED FLAG. Here are some things to ask yourself: Is he/she a jealous person? Does he try to control you? Does she resent time you spend with family or with other friends? Does he make snide comments about people you love? If so, run as fast as you can. You may be flattered by that kind of jealous attention, but people who are like that will most certainly turn out to be abusive in the long haul. They may separate you from family and friends and prevent you from participating in activities with other people. A life of isolation is no fun at all. 
2. Does the person you are dating respect your boundaries? If he/she is constantly trying to get you to do things you know are wrong, get out of that relationship. A person who loves God more than you will not ask you to do things that are not right.
3. What are you like when you are with your date? What kind of traits does he bring out in you? Are you at your best or do you tend to be rebellious, or disobedient or acting out in other ways? Are you happy with yourself after spending time with this person or do you feel disappointed in yourself? 
4. Does the person you are dating encourage you in your walk with the Lord or is he only concerned about pleasing himself/herself? 
5. How does the person you are dating handle anger? Does he lose his temper, berate you, use foul language, hit you, or threaten you in any way? GET. OUT. NOW! Sometimes people who do these things will come back and apologize profusely, or they will tell you they didn’t mean it and they will comfort you in a number of ways—maybe buy you flowers or other gifts, but PLEASE DO NOT FALL FOR THAT. If you do, you will live on an emotional roller coaster for a very long time. Lack of self-control is typical of abusers. And it will only get worse. If you say you are leaving, this person will typically make you feel guilty for not “forgiving” him. This is just one more way to control you. You can forgive him but you do not ever have to  see him again. Ever. You are just going to have to trust me on this. LEAVE AND DON’T LOOK BACK. Everybody gets angry from time to time, but abusing another person verbally or emotionally or physically is never acceptable. 
6. You may not like this one: What do your parents, siblings, and friends think of the person you are dating? What kind of feedback are you getting from other people who know you well? Are any of them giving you any kind of warnings? What about other people in your church? Your pastor? That is not to say that other people are always right—but if a number of people are giving you warnings, you should take heed. Sometimes they see things you do not see. Sometimes it just takes time for others to really get to know the person. Give them that time. Don’t run off and get married in a pout. Why hurt the people who love you just so you can have your way?  If God is really in this, then wait for his timing. You will know the timing is right when those who love you can rejoice in your choice and give you their blessing. 

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If God Loves Me, Why Do I Have So Much Suffering in My Life?

Chapter 30
"Dear Friends, don't be surprised when the fiery ordeal comes among you to test you as if something unusual were happening to you. Instead, rejoice as you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may also rejoice with great joy when his glory is revealed." I Peter 4:12-13

If we love someone, the last thing we want to do is cause them pain. In fact, we will go out of our way to keep our loved ones from pain. So if God is loving and all-powerful, why does He let us suffer? 

The truth is, God not only allows suffering, he sends it our way for a lot of reasons.

I know you are not going to want to hear this, but I have to say it because it is true. God uses suffering in our lives to shape our character. He wants us to be the kind of people who can comfort others in their distress, and if we never suffered ourselves, we would not understand the suffering of others. How could a mother comfort her child if she had never suffered herself? The suffering that you experience today may help you ease the suffering of a loved one some day.

God also uses suffering as a test. Remember Job? Satan told God that the only reason Job was so faithful was because he had it so good. Satan was convinced that if Job suffered, he would turn away from God. But God proved him wrong by letting Job suffer unbelievable things. Imagine losing ten people in your family all at once. No chance to say good-bye or get one last hug. I know what that is like. And then add losing all your stuff. And add to that getting really really sick. And what did Job say? He said, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust Him!”

God uses suffering to draw us closer to Him. When everything is going perfect for us, we forget how much we need God. But when we suffer, we are on our knees asking Him for His help to get through it. These past few years, we have known more suffering than ever before. We have lost several family members and have suffered from major health issues. Thanksgivings and Christmases without family are like just another day on the calendar.  It has been the saddest time of our lives—and still is. But God uses our sorrow and grief to draw us close to Him. He sent us many people to take care of us and to love us. And now we also look for people to take in so we can comfort them. 

Even though God sends suffering our way, he never leaves us or forsakes us. Did you know that God is using the suffering in your life to make you capable of experiencing tremendous amounts of joy in heaven? Suffering exercises your soul, and makes it capable of carrying a great amount of weight. The Bible calls it “the weight of glory.” I read something recently by John Piper—a very famous pastor—about suffering. Maybe this will make you feel better about your own suffering: 

Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.

I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.

When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.

Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.

So you see—every single millisecond of your suffering is being used by God so you can handle the extreme joy of the life to come. How you respond to your suffering is really important. Don’t try to avoid it or minimize it by using drugs or drinking alcohol or cutting on yourself or running away or thinking about suicide. Just let the suffering do its work. Now that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take an aspirin if you have a headache or that you shouldn’t take pain medications if you are in physical pain. We have to use common sense here. Don’t run away from God, and don’t get angry and take it out on everyone around you. Go to your Bible and keep reading until you feel God’s comfort. Cry your eyes out every day for as long as it takes—and it may take years. But when you finish crying, get up and wash your face and use your pain to help others.

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Mean Girls (and other mean people)

Chapter 29...
I bet that title got your attention. Who doesn't know mean girls (and other mean people)? There are mean girls in every middle school and high school and in every other age group too. Mean girls shun other girls and try to turn other people against you. 

I am only going to say this once: I hope you are never a mean person. In this life, it is far far better to be shunned and disowned than to be the one doing the shunning and disowning. 

Do you know what Jesus says about disowning him? He says that if you disown him, he will disown you before his Father! But that is a whole different thing than disowning people, isn't it? Let's look at the whole passage from Matthew 10: 

32 “Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. 33 But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven.

34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to turn

“‘a man against his father,
    a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
36     a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’[c]

37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

40 “Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. 

Jesus is telling his disciples that how we treat other Christians is how we are treating Christ in our hearts! If we accept and welcome others, we accept and welcome Jesus. But if we disown others who are Christians--watch out--because you are also disowning Christ. 

Because we are the beloved Bride of Christ, we are one with Him and whatever somebody does to his Bride, they do it to Him. Here is another passage that says it more clearly. Matthew 25 says

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Do you see that how we treat other Christians shows how we treat Christ? If we accept other believers and treat them with kindness and love and acceptance, then we are accepting Christ and loving him. But if we treat other people meanly, if we ignore them, if we don't invite them in, if we don't visit them when they are sick or in prison, if we disown them, then we are disowning Christ before men. Jesus even goes so far as to say we should treat our enemies with this same kindness. Because just maybe our enemies belong to Him or will be drawn to him because of our kindness.

And if we disown Christ by our treatment of others, then He will disown us before his Father. Look again at that last line: "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." 

Here is one last passage from John--just in case you are still shaking your pretty heads about this:

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

There  is never any excuse for someone who calls himself or herself a Christian to be mean or cruel. It takes great courage to be kind and welcoming, but your reward will be very great:

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 

Because God in Christ has shown us such grace in our lives, we can become people who show grace to others. That is why we are here. 

Here is a link with a true story about how it feels to be excluded by mean girls.  Learn from this!
https://www.lisamccrohan.com/2014/09/raising-girls-who-are-includers-instead-of-mean-girls/

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Believing Is Not Enough

28--How Can I Know If I Am Really Saved?

Did you know that the majority of people who think they are saved are not saved at all? That is a really scary thought! Most of those people would say they believe the Bible and they go to church every week and maybe once upon a time they prayed a prayer to accept Jesus, but that is not enough. Even Satan and demons believe that the Bible is true. The Jesus-hating Pharisees were always parading all their "righteousness" around, but they were not saved. 

Can we really KNOW when we are saved? Absolutely! The Bible gives us some very definite ways that we can know if we are truly saved. 

First of all, a person who is saved has a very acute awareness of the sin in her life. She is painfully aware of how unworthy she is and she hates her sin so much that she repents of it and turns away from it. A lot of people hate sin--they hate everybody else's sin, but not their own. But people who have a true relationship with Jesus hate their own sin more than anything. 

Secondly, a person who is a true Christian is willing to surrender EVERYTHING for the sake of Christ. They are willing to give up all their hopes and dreams and ambitions and even their friends and family for the sake of Christ! Jesus says if we love mother or father or son or daughter or anyone or anything more than we love Him, we are not worthy to be his disciples. Whoa, Nelly! That means that you might have your heart set on going to Harvard or Yale, but if Christ wants you to go to the local Bible College, you'd better listen up. It means that even after you grow up and become an adult, you can't just do whatever you feel like. You may have to give up your fondest dreams and desires. Are you willing to do that?

Finally, the real test of knowing you are truly saved is to evaluate how much you love other people. This is what the Apostle John says in I John 3:14-15 "We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer and you know that no murderer has eternal life in Him." WOW! If you hate somebody so much that you won't even be around them, so much that you cut them off from you--even if you don't murder them, God says it is murder! But if you are kind and affectionate and loving to everyone, even if they irritate you, that is a supernatural kind of love that can only come from God and it is evidence that you are a child of God. (It would be like a dog loving a cat!)

So these three things will tell you if you are truly saved:  Are you very aware of how awful your sins are and do you hate them so much that you will turn away from them? Do you love Christ more than you love your friends and family and your hopes and dreams? Do you love all the people God has put in your life--your family, your friends, and even people who irritate you? If you answer 'yes' to all those questions, you are certainly saved. 

If you are still not sure, the one thing  you can do is to pray that God will have mercy on you and that he will reveal your sins to you and help you to love Him and everybody else. He will never turn away anyone who comes to Him asking for mercy. 

Perfect Friendships for the New Year

27--Relationships That Glorify God

Friendships are the stuff of life! A true friend will always stand by you even if you irritate them--which I hope you don't. But our world has set up rules for choosing friends that are not good or right. According to the world, we should choose friends who always tell us what we want to hear, who always praise us and take our side even when we are wrong, who never stand up to us or irritate us, who think like we do, and who make us feel good. That gives you a lot of control. It makes you feel important to have friends like that. You set the standard for them. And if they don't live up to your standards, you simply discard them like a dirty dishrag.

How do we know who should be our friends? Believe it or not, the Bible gives us a lot of advice about that. The book of Proverbs tells us a lot about who we should avoid--people who try to entice us to sin, and people who are angry and abusive. And the New Testament gives us the same kind of advice in the letters to Titus and II Timothy. Titus says, "As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned."  II Timothy says, "For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people."

James tells us to avoid friendship with the world. It doesn't mean you can't be kind to people who are not Christians, but we can't get past a very superficial level with them because we have nothing in common. 

Now that we know what to avoid, we can start looking at what to look for in a friend. Look for people who are willing to tell you the truth even if it is not something you want to hear. Look for people who are peacemakers--the ones who will stick around and be forgiving. Look for people who are kind and patient and who always want to include others. If you choose friends who are critical and judgmental and who like to be exclusive, sooner or later they will exclude you. And they will always be trying to make you choose between them and someone else. Avoid that.

These are the people who should be in your "inner circle" but it should not stop there. You should actively look for people who do not have friends. You should always be looking to include more people and expanding your larger circle of friends. Find people who are lonely or sad. Make friends with people from all age groups. Don't settle for your own peer group--there is much to be learned from people who are your grandparents' age and from little children. Make friends with people who are really different from you in other ways. Learn about their culture. Make friends with people who disagree with you about politics. It's OK to disagree with people. Jesus did not agree with his disciples about all that. But he loved them anyway. You can do it too.

Three simple rules will help guide you in your choices for friends:

1. Always, always, always be kind to everybody--even your enemies. There is never any excuse for cruelty or unkind treatment.Treat others the way you want them to treat you. 

2. Be discerning about your "inner circle" of friends--the ones you trust for good advice and the ones who share your beliefs and worldview.

3. Always be expanding your larger circle of friends and include people of all ages and all walks of life. 

If you follow these guidelines, you will glorify God in your relationships and that is always the goal--to please Him above yourself. 

Best Friends Forever